Superstars 1

"Hai, hai, hai!" says a fluttery, girly-sounding voice. "I'm your host this season, and I'm here at some random beach somewhere in the United States! This year, uh, twenty-two contestants will be competing here to win an awesome prize, also known as two million bucks! So, yeah. They'll be split into two teams, like usual, and get voted out and stuff... That kind of chiz. Oh, and if you're wondering what happened to Chris... Yeah, he kind of got fired by the producers, since he was getting old and annoying. Hehe, I totally agree. Chef will still be around, and I'm not the only one who's gonna host... Where be mah cohost? She's in charge of saying the rest of the stuff... Get over here!"

The noise of shuffling towards the host is heard. Then, another feminine-sounding voice, but less high and fluttery, starts to talk. "Hey, everyone... I'm the host's assistant... Anyway, these 22 contestants will have to survive the challenges, the harsh elements of the wild, Chef's nasty food, and each other... Every two days or so, they'll compete in some sort of challenge... New relationships and conflicts will be formed, and it sure is gonna be fun... Now, let's say hello to our first contestant... Hey, Roz, who was it again?"

"Uh, let's see... Here's the first contestant! It's Arthur, from Total Drama: Tiki Jungle. He was known for talking about his weight, peanuts, and being disturbing," describes Roz. "He's funny and weird, and the perfect first person to introduce."

A large ferry pulls up to the dock where Roz and Ari are standing. It honks its horn, and drops a fat boy off, who is wearing a shirt that says "Puber T" on it, short shorts, high midcalf socks, and black shoes.

"I'm morbidly obeeeese," says Arthur. "What's up, everybody? Man, this is a small season."

"Uh, Arthur, you're the first person here," says Roz. "Anyway, what have you been up to since you failed miserably in Tiki?"

"Ahem. I was the runner-up," says Arthur. "And I really have not been doing anything of importance. Just tightening my peanuts, teaching children about puberty, doing sketchy and disturbing things with Kavren, you know the deal."

"Uh, did you say teaching children about puberty... What's up with that?" Ari says, suspiciously.

"Hey, who are you? Chris did not inform me that you were hosting, and I have no idea who you are," Arthur says, even more suspiciously.

"Oh, yeah... I forgot that I wasn't supposed to be here... Yeah, I should probably go," Ari says, and she hops into a little boat, then drives away.

"She will be missed," says Roz. "So, yeah, Arthur. Puberty? Enlighten me, tehe."

"Well, after my inappropriate antics on Tiki Jungle, my mother, who's a middle school teacher, decided to let me come in and teach the little buggers sexual education. Yeah, it's very fun, and I get to say crude and dirty things, and not get in trouble. Every day, at 6:30, I have to be Puber T for a half hour, or else my pits will get sweaty," Arthur explains.

"Shauhsuahsauhshua," laughs Roz. "Well, that's, er, interesting, right? Haha, let's meet the next contestant. I wonder who it will be?"

"I do too, but we will find out in approximately ten seconds," Arthur says, pointing to the boat, which has the sound of footsteps coming out of it.

A tall, tanned and extremely attractive girl walks out, texting. She is wearing a grey striped shirt, a fashionable scarf, shorts, and brown slippers. She has long brown hair, and is scowling.

"Um, hey," scoffs Chelsey. "This is the place? I was expecting a cool mansion or something. Yuck, there better be electricity and showers here, I cannot live without my beautiful Snooki and K-Woww for more than twenty-three hours and fifty-seven seconds. You're the host? Where's Chris? As much of a jerk as he was, he was a lot cooler than you. You should really get some better clothes, that doesn't fit you. I bet that if you straightened up your hair and wore a pink dress or something, you would look beautiful, you know what I'm saying?"

"Well, it looks like you haven't changed at all..." says Roz in response. "How's Elle and Donny?"

Chelsey groans at the mention of the name 'Donny'. "You know, we really aren't public with our relationship. Heck, I don't even know if we're still dating. The guy's cool, but he's always making me go to The Wild World of Pants with him."

"I do enjoy that store, it's where I got my short shorts," explains Arthur. "And also, Kavren was right when he said you were a very attractive young woman. You could probably tighten my peanuts, right?" Arthur winks seductively at Chelsey.

"Dude, get away from me. If there's one kind of boy that I don't like, it's the fat, gross ones. You know, I really wish Elle was here, she would totally be the only one I'd talk to, out of this cast of morons," says Chelsey.

"I pride myself in being a moron. It's better than being normal and/or boring," says Arthur, waggling a finger.

"Well, you do have a good sense of humor, in a way, so I guess I can give you some PP for that," Chelsey responds. "PP means Popularity Points, by the way. Currently, you have two, since you would be a lowlife at school, but you're kind of funny. I have 1,000,000 PP, maybe you can get that many... if you have a complete makeover and lose about 150 pounds. Although, you could be a football player... Those sure do get a lot of friends. Let me get back to you on this, okay?"

"Soooo, let's meet our third contestant! This guy is from Total Drama Tokyo. He doesn't really like people, or socializing, and his name's Wolfgang. He got a really bad place in Tokyo, but he's back in another attempt to win a cash prize! Say helloooo to Wolfie!" Roz chirps.

Wolfgang stomps out of the bus. He's still wearing fashionable clothing, this time consisting of a black and white checkered shirt, a yellow scarf, and blue sweatpants. He is still not wearing shoes.

"That boat ride was horrendous. I hate boats, I almost barfed. Gee, thanks, Chris... Wait, where's Chris?" he says, his face starting to smile. "Is he dead? Did a shark eat him, or did Dolph carry him away? YES!"

"Nooo, Wolfgang, I'm the new host, you know me, right? Roz, from Tokyo," says Roz.

"Oh, you were that annoying and disturbing one who had a crush on that old guy," growls Wolfgang. "Anyway, I'm so glad I came here before Puck. He was annoying me to no end on the boat. I kept chucking my turkey sandwiches at him, but nothing worked, he just ate them and said that I was such a good friend. Grrrr."

"Ooooh," says Chelsey, looking at Wolfgang. "You're going to be pretty high on the popularity meter. Scarves are an automatic 1,000 points!"

"Popularity meter? What's this crap? I don't give a flying pancake about popularity, I have no friends at school!" yells Wolfgang.

"Mhm, I agree with what the guy with the interesting hair said, my only friend of importance is Kavren. Everyone else thinks I'm annoying, I wonder why?" Arthur says sarcastically.

The boat drops off a girl, who's slightly overweight, carrying a large bag filled with books, and is wearing a shirt of her favorite book/movie series.

"Helga! Glad you could make it!" says Roz happily. "How's it going?"

"Ah, fine, fine," says Helga. "I've just been reading books, saying rude things to others for no particular reason whatsoever, the usual..."

"Saying rude things to others for no particular reason whatsoever?!" gasps Wolfgang. "Dude, that's my entire life!"

"Oh, you're that Wolfgang guy who was a huge jerk to the fat kid, right?" Helga inquires. "Heh. You and him should have switched places, I quit watching Tokyo because of him."

"What's up, Helga? Remember me?" Arthur says annoyingly. "I was on your team, if I remember correctly."

"Ugh, get away from me, you moron," Helga snarks. "I don't appreciate the company."

"Glad to see you haven't gotten any different," responds Arthur snidely.

"Well, you look the same too, other than being fatter," Helga says.

"Oooooooh," mocks Chelsey. "Dude, you just got served. Not a very wise idea to mock the Queen of Sass herself. You know, my sister has been sassy lately, and I hate that, because she needs to be more like me."

"Lemme guess," snorts Wolfgang. "She's one of those obnoxious little 11-year-olds with D-cups, cell phones, and HeadNovels. The site is for ages 13 and up for a reason."

"C's," corrects Chelsey. "You have no right to talk about little Allison like that, she's beautiful, and more so than you'll ever be."

Wolfgang says in the confessional, "Whoa, first confessional. Humph. Chelsey annoys me, but she's really pretty. However, I don't like girls, I'm too grumpy. The one date I've ever been on, I complained that the girl's hair was half a centimeter too long, and then smashed a bowl of spaghetti in her face. Yep, I've got anger issues... UGH, THIS CAMERA IS SO ANNOYING, WHY DOES IT KEEP ZOOMING IN ON ME?!" He comes up to the camera, and punches it, breaking it into pieces. The tape turns to static and returns to the contestants.

A kid is then seen driving up to the five in a shiny, flashy red moped. He takes off his helmet, and jumps off the moped, landing on his hands. He keeps walking on his hands, and reveals himself to be a tall, somewhat awkward boy with an orange shirt depicting a banana, purple jeans, and sea green shoes.

"Fleedle-deedle," says Kavren. "Man, that ride here was totally bladvass. I moped-ed-ed across the lake, for Repeat's sake!"

"Please welcome the runner-up of Total Drama Revolution... Kavren!" chirps Roz, introducing the boy.

"KAVREN!" yells Arthur ecstatically. "You're finally here, bro! What an awesome ride, did you pick up some females along the way?"

"Nah, unless you count a few manatees that I saw on the way here," Kavren says in response. "Yeah, I said manatees. 'Cuz the geography here is totally frunked up."

"Oh, god," Chelsey snorts. "Kavren?! I thought I'd never see you again. Well, I won't be socializing with you anytime soon, k?"

"Aw, come on, Chelsey. We were cool friends, right? I think so, at least. Remember when we played Sausages?" Kavren says innocently.

"EW!" yells Chelsey. "Gross! Kavren, you sicko."

"You thought I was flirting with you? No, remember Abbey? Yeah, I wouldn't cheat on my little bloopy-pork," Kavren laughs.

Helga pipes up, while reading the first book of the season, "Kavren? What kind of a name is that? It's like Karen, but a weird hippie boy version. What were your parents thinking?"

"Well, Helga sounds like a viking woman's name," Kavren retorts.

"Maybe it is," Helga snorts. "You know, at least I'm not named Brunhilda. That's my mom's name."

Arthur laughs obnoxiously. "My mom is named Beth. Normal names for the lose."

"For the lose?" Wolfgang asks suspiciously. "You turdhole, it's for the win, noob. Get stuff right."

"Winning is too mainstream," responds Arthur. Wolfgang shakes his head in anger.

"Aaaaaand, the next contestant should be coming here any time now... Let's see, who is it," thinks Roz, looking at her cue cards. "Duncan! I mean... Wait, what? Oh, yeah. The next contestant is Flora! Remember, the boring girl from Tokyo? Yeah, she's back in action! Let's say hai to her!"

An average-looking girl with a Bidoof shirt steps off the boat. "Hello," she says.

Everyone stands there awkwardly without talking, until Kavren pipes up. "Hey, I like your shirt. Bidoof is pretty cool, I always used it as a HM slave, though," he says.

"I'm Flora," she says happily. "You guys look like a nice bunch, I hope I can make some friends."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh," gasps Chelsey. "You're one of the invisible girls! The unimportant girls who do nothing and mostly fade into the background at school! Man, I need to help you, big time. What's first? Hmmm. Makeup, clothing, or personality? I'll send you the DVD of Nebraska Shore, season one, soon... All right, that should be good for now."

Flora scoots away from Chelsey, staring at her with shifty eyes.

"Soooo, Flora. How's life been since you were unfairly kicked off of Tokyo, then called boring millions of times on national TV?" inquires Roz. "Uh, maybe I should have said that a bit more nicely..."

"No, no, it's fine," responds Flora, with a smile on her face. "I've been staying at my house, hanging out with friends, stuff like that. People like me back home, kind of, so that's pretty cool. Thanks for asking, nobody really cares about me..."

"I sure don't," Wolfgang growls. "That's not helping," whispers Roz.

The boat drops off a lazy-looking boy with long, brown hair that resembles the hair of a teen icon. He is wearing preppy clothes and holding almost nothing except a pillow, a blanket, a bag of suspicious-looking items, and a stuffed poodle.

"Hey, boys 'n' girls," says Alex. "What's happening? Man, I'm so tired, that boat ride took a lot out of me..."

"Alex!" Roz chirps. "Glad you could make it. How's everything been? Still lazy?"

Roz and everyone else glance at Alex, who's now on the ground curled up with his stuffed poodle, pillow, and blanket. "Oh, don't mind me," he says groggily. "Just catchin' up on some Z's."

"Oh, you were the tiki guy, right? Yes, I remember you. The one who had a relationship with the purple-haired chick, Sharissa," Arthur states.

"Whoa! No way! You're the guy that Rissy has been telling me about?! Wooow, I expected you to be a lot cuter, no offense," Roz says.

"Eh, none taken," mutters Alex. "Sharissa's a babe, and you're not. I can live with that."

"Sharissa actually informed ME that she broke up with you two weeks ago," Chelsey states. "Don't ask me how I know her, I've got some connections."

"...She did?" Alex gasps. He takes out his uPhone, checks HeadNovel, and reads her relationship status. "Single? ...Damn." Alex then goes back to sleep.

"Uh, I have no response to that. Next up is a contestant that was semi-popular, but she looks a lot different," says Roz extremely unenthusiastically. "So, please welcome everyone's favorite orange Tiki Jungle chick, Elena."

The boat drops off a young woman who looks very artificial. She is semi-attractive, but comically orange, has a large chest, is wearing skimpy clothing, and has long dyed blonde hair. "Why the crappy greeting?" she asks. "Anyway, hi and stuff." The second she steps onto the land, a bird craps on her hair. She brushes it off, and scowls.

"Oompa loompa bloopity pork," says Kavren in a singsong voice, referring to Elena's orange skin. Arthur makes a snide face and nods his head in approval.

"Ugh, it's you. That creep from Revolution, Karen or whatever," Elena says as she walks by Kavren.

"I've always wanted a human Barbie doll," says Alex as he wakes up. "You look different, are you sure you're the same Elena?"

"Of course I'm the same Elena, how stupid do people get?" Elena scoffs. "I just got prettier, duh."

"I'm Chelsey," greets Chelsey. "You totally just scream 'popularity'! I think we even go to the same school, but we haven't met. I swear, we could be really good buddies, what do you think?"

"Sure," says Elena, her tone suggesting that she's uninterested in becoming Chelsey's friend.

"Oh, then if you want to be rude, I'll show you rude," snaps Chelsey. "Ugh."

Elena walks all the way to the end of the group, away from everyone except Wolfgang. "You one of those Hooters waitresses?" Wolfgang asks suspiciously.

"Hooters? I got banned from that place," Arthur remarks. Elena slaps her forehead in disgust.

"Ahem," Roz clears her throat. Everyone turns to look at her, and she continues. "This next contestant is Trey, from Tiki Jungle."

"Ooooooh, yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about. Something-you-put-food-on-in-a-crappy-restaurant is back in the hizzouse?" asks Arthur.

"Yep, but he's been going through some tension and personal stuff," responds Roz.

"Like what? Rashes from picking his butt all day?" Arthur says.

Roz ignores him, and the boat soon drops off a boy who looks nothing like Trey from seasons past. He isn't wearing much clothing except for boxers and a gray undershirt, and has one sock missing. He is extremely pale, and has dreadlocks.

"Oh..." he says. "Hi..." He steps off the boat, and sits down on the ground, playing with the grass.

"That guy doesn't look like Trey at all! He looks like a vampire," states Chelsey. "But don't get me wrong, I do love vampires, BTW. They're sexy. Especially that babe, Deadward Sullen." She makes a seductive purring noise.

"Aww, poor Trey. I mean, he was a kasshole and all, but he seems really messed up now," says Kavren. "I wonder what happened to him?"

"Let's find out," says Arthur, and he walks over to Trey. "Hey, remember me? Bullying is wrong, kid. You need to stop, or people will despise you."

"People already do despise me..." Trey sighs. "Leave me alone, I never liked you..."

"I dumped that fool," whispers Elena to Chelsey. "Although, he's cooler than you." Chelsey, offended, struts away.

A heavyset girl walks out of the next ferry. She is carrying many large bags, has an ellipsis written on her olive green shirt, and has short reddish hair.

"Guys, this is the next contestant... She's super famous, and if you don't know who she is, you've probs been living in a box!" Roz exclaims. "It's Patricia Jane Dotcubed, or better known as PJ."

"I lived in a box in Tiki Island..." Trey mopes. Everyone scoots away from him.

"..." says PJ. Many of the contestants cheer, except Alex, who shrugs.

"Man, I don't get the big deal about '...', it's not cool or funny or anything. Just really old," he states.

"Shut up, I have trouble expressing my feelings so I do it this way," says PJ grimly.

"You go, gurl!" cheers Chelsey.

"Peej, anything you wanna say to all of your fans out there and stuff?" Roz inquires. "I'm sure they'd love to hear it, hehe."

"Yes. I'm happy that you all support me..." PJ mutters. "I mean, '...'."

The next boat arrives, and this time, a young and fat-looking kid steps out. He has pistachio-colored hair, a shirt with maroon and white stripes, blue jeans, yellow shoes, and a gigantic smile on his face.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's Puck!" Roz says, introducing the newest contestant.

Wolfgang's eyes turn red, and he starts breathing heavily. "Jeez, dude, take a chill pill," Alex states.

The kid walks towards the rest of the contestants. "What's up, everyone? It's me, Puck! That boat ride was totally chill, right, guys? I saw a bunch of cool fish and stuff, and even some of my family! Hey, it's Wolfie."

"Get away from me..." mutters Wolfgang. "Come on, dude, let me have some down-time."

Puck heeds Wolfgang's warning, walks away from him, and then walks over to Chelsey. "Hey! You're Chelsey! My girlfriend talks about you CONSTANTLY. You're a lot hotter than I expected, babe. But yeah, Casey loves ya."

"Oh, Casey? Yeah, I talked to her once. She turned green and passed out. Sooo uncool. Although, I think Elle likes her... I wonder what's wrong with Elle? She's been acting really weird lately. Maybe I should take her temperature," Chelsey responds.

"Puck?" Kavren says. "Heh, funny name. You know, I had a fish named Puck, but Arthur ate it." Arthur burps loudly.

"Oh, Puck. You were one of the ones who said I wasn't boring, thank you!" Flora states kindly.

"...I was?" Puck shrugs. "Eh, whatever, if you say so."

"Eww," says Elena, looking at Puck. "Your hair is disgusting, it looks like someone barfed on it."

Puck says in the confessional, "I haven't been here for five minutes, and I've already been insulted by some chick... Huh. I wonder what that means? Maybe she's a little reluctant about meeting new people."

Yet another ferry arrives. This time, a gothic-looking girl with a nose stud, purple and black clothing, and long, jet-black hair steps out.

"I'm Estrella, and I will most likely hate all of you by the end of this season," she says dryly.

"This is Strelly, everyone! One of my teamies from last season! She's not the most social, but if you give her a warm welcome, she'll be fine! ...Right?" Roz says.

"..." says PJ.

"I could probably say something critical about all of you, but if I get any more sunlight, I'll probably turn to dust," Estrella states. She takes out an umbrella, sits down, and takes out a large book.

Helga looks at Estrella, with her eyes wide. "...I like you."

Roz is shown in the confessional. She says, "Hehe, well, Helga and Estrella are basically the same person. Wonderin' why we cast them together? Oh, we wanted to see if they'd be friends or enemies... Ugh, a bunch of happy fun smiley buddies will make the ratings drop! They need to fight!"

"Hmm," says Chelsey, jotting down something in a notepad. "Hmm, hmm, hmm. Goths. Well, they seem to be pretty well-known in the school I go to, even if it's for being creepy... Ah, who cares? Turn into a popular volleyball player, and good things will happen to you, I can feel it!"

"Go die in a hole," grunts Estrella.

"What book is that?" asks Helga. "I'm reading this awesome book called the Enigmatic Benedick Organization. It's about a bunch of kids who solve mysteries and whatnot."

"...I just finished that book," says Estrella dryly. "Amazing, right? Loved the part where Nick found the magic key and then used it to unlock Mr. Window's secret passage."

"YES!" yells Helga. "We're going to get along."

"Moving on..." Roz yells. "All righty! It looks like our next contestant is arriving now! It's everyone's favorite, or least favorite, gangsta-wannabe poseur, Devin."

A shrimpy kid with baggy clothes, long hair, and a ski cap with the letter "D" on it swaggers out from the next boat.

"Yo, yo, yo, wassup, m' peeps? I see dat bunches o' cool G's an' hipstas has a'ready arrived, yo. Wass chillin', m' villains? Y'all got swag, righ'?" he says, in a shrill voice.

"Um, what?" says Estrella.

"Ain't too hard t' unda'stand me, babe. Y' jus' gotta go wit' th' flow, y' kno' wha' I mean?" Devin says.

Right as Estrella is about to say something, a car pulls up to the contestants. Two people are shown, one is a balding, black man with glasses and a bushy mustache, and the other is a boy who is dressed somewhat like Devin, but is African American, has an afro, and is wearing an enigmatic shirt.

"Remember, sonny, have fun, be safe, and don't forget to change your diaper twice a day! We're falling behind!" says Mr. Gerard.

The boy awkwardly steps out of the car, and the other guy drives off. After an awkward silence, he says, "What's up, bitches?"

"Uh, Ori, first of all, no swearin'. Second of all, you were supposed to wait for your cue," says Roz. "We're doing a tight boy-girl-boy-girl thing, you see? And, since you don't have long hair anymore, you're not a girl. Just get in the boat or something."

"Shut up, lady! It's not my fault, it's my stupid dad's, for being so early," yells Ori. His eyes then turn wide, as he sees Devin. "OMIGOSH, DEVIN! ERBSVABVRSUETG!" he yells extremely happily.

"'Ey, do I know you, dawg? I think I's seen ya befo', but I don' r'membah when, yo," Devin responds.

"I'm your biggest fan, dude! How do you talk like that?! I try attaching 'yo' to my sentences, but I always sound like a smooth-wannabe poseur. Help me, yo!" Ori exclaims.

"Biggest fan? Where have we seen that before?" sighs Chelsey, rolling her eyes. Puck nods his head in agreement.

"Chelsey, you look absolutely gorgeous today. I really love your hair, you are such a beautiful person," gushes Ori, walking up to Chelsey.

"Yup, he's the same Ori," mutters Kavren.

"..." says PJ.

The next contestant arrives soon after Ori makes his introduction. This time, a girl comes up riding a bicycle. She is wearing oversized sunglasses, a shirt depicting a cartoon character, and many bracelets.

"Hey, Chrissy! This is Chrissy from Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, everyone, the third-placer. How are you doin'?" Roz chirps.

"You know, not too bad, actually," says Chrissy. "Oh, if you're wondering why I rode that bike instead of riding the boat, boats are too mainstream. I prefer to be more independent, you know?"

"Hello, Christian Your Mother," says Arthur, walking up to Chrissy. "I see that you've adopted the hipster subculture. You know, so many people are hipsters now, it is becoming mainstream."

Chrissy pulls a familiar-looking knife out of my pocket. "Remember this guy? Yeah, I brought him with, and I'm not afraid to use him."

"Well, at least I'm not the only one who brought a dangerous weapon to the competition..." Wolfgang mutters. When he realizes that many others are staring at him, he says, "Who said that?"

"Ew, Chrissy?" Elena says with a look of disgust. Chrissy looks at Elena, and says, "Wait, I thought we were friends..."

"Why would I be friends with a social reject like you? What are you talking about? You need to take a chill pill, gurlie," Elena scoffs.

"Don't worry," says Chelsey, moving toward Chrissy. "You may be a social reject, but you seem nice enough."

"Uh, thanks?" says Chrissy. "But yeah, I'm excited to be here. Hopefully, a fat and annoying kid won't screw up my chance of winning..." Chrissy glares at Arthur, who shrugs. "Oh, Julia should be coming any minute."

"K, maybe I should introduce her..." Roz states. "OK! Julia, the winner of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, is the next contestant you're gonna meet! She's one of two winners we have this season... Oops, spoiler! But yeah, here she is. She's kind of changed..."

Arthur grins evilly. "Time for some fun, right, Kavren?" Kavren nods enthusiastically.

A petite, brown-haired, smiling girl walks out of the next boat. "You don't know-oh-oh, you don't know you're beautiful!" she sings, listening to an MP3 player.

"Oh-oh-oh, that's what makes you beautiful!" sings Kavren, continuing the song. Everyone stares at him awkwardly, and he says, "What? Boys can't sing 1E? That's crappy."

Julia takes off her headphones. "Kavren, you can't sing at all, so you need to shut up," she says rudely. Her expression turns into a smile, and she introduces herself. "Hey, guys! I'm Julia, that chick who won Tiki. I am seriously obsessed with One Erection, so if you insult them in any way, I will destroy you emotionally."

"Hey, that's my thing," scoffs Helga.

"Ew, One Erection is the worst band ever, their fans are 95% twelve-year-old girls and 5% weird guys who live in their parents' basements. And that Larry Fashions guy is super ugly," explains Alex, while lying on the ground.

"IF YOU INSULT ONE ERECTION ONE MORE TIME, YOU LITTLE BUM, I WILL TAKE MY SUITCASE, AND I'LL--" yells Julia.

"..." says PJ, interrupting the raging Julia.

"Am I the only one who has no idea who any of these people are?" whispers Flora to PJ. "No, I agree," whispers PJ.

Julia walks over to Chrissy. "Chrissy!" she says happily. "You're a hipster now? Usually, when people claim to be 90's kids or hipsters or stuff like that, I just want to take a bowling ball and shove it in their eye sockets. But, you're really cool, so I'll let that one slide."

"Heh, yeah. You have a Fumblr? I'll totally follow you on that," explains Chrissy. "Mine's called 'pointy objects hypnotize the soul'. It's some motivational quote by some guy."

"Pointy objects hypnotize the soul? If I had to pick one sentence to describe my life, that would be it," states Estrella.

"Hey, Julia," Arthur says, trying to hold back laughter. "Larry Fashions is in a relationship with Louie, so you cannot have him. And Louie looks like a woman." Right after he says that, him and Kavren burst into obnoxious laughter.

"ARTHUR, SHUT UP!" she yells. Arthur nods his head, and says, "Mission accomplished."

The next boat drops off a young-looking boy with a large nose, a video game shirt, and long brown hair, who is shuffling many cards.

"Tolky!" says Kavren. "Hey, Arthur, this is my cousin, Tolkien. The one I was telling you about."

"Oh, the one who wasn't potty-trained until the third grade?" Arthur states. "Shhhhh," whispers Kavren.

"Tolkien, aieeeeeee!" Roz says happily, greeting the boy. "Hai, hai, what's up? How was your boat ride?"

Tolkien begins to sweat. "Well, this was a nice greeting. Hey, Kav. Hey, Roz. Hey, bunch of people who I don't know."

"Oh, you know me, I suppose," Estrella grumbles.

"Mhm. Estrella. Long time no see! Or short time, since it was only two weeks. Who here likes Magyk?" Tolkien asks.

"I love that game!" says Ori, at the same time Devin says, "What be dat?" Ori then shakes his head, and says, "Just kidding."

"Pitiful, kid. Just... pitiful," Helga states.

"Hmmmmm," says Chelsey, as she continues to jot down notes in her pink glittery notepad. "Well, nerds are obviously not very popular, but you are one of the most handsome nerds I've ever seen! Not saying you're hot or anything, but you can obviously do way better. I think that if you started to play lax, you would turn into one of the popular kids. That would be awesome, and your looks would definitely not go to waste."

The next boat soon arrives, and in it is a smiling, attractive blonde girl with posh clothes and a gray scarf on.

"Hi, everyone," she says, blushing. "I'm MacKenzie. You probably don't remember me, since I was one of the infamous 'boring' characters of Revolution, but if you do, that would be cool..."

"Hehehe," says Kavren. "I totes remember you. My good buddy Toad was obsessed with you, right?"

MacKenzie's smile turns into a frown. "Ughhh, Toad. Don't remind me of that little weirdo... But yeah, I'm an all-star. Surprising, isn't it? I bet you all expected Cammy to come instead."

"That would be way cooler," says Estrella dryly, looking up from her book. "Cammy is the one person in my life right now whom I don't abhor."

"Whom? Nobody says whom," Arthur replies.

"Uh, guys, I think we're supposed to be focusing on MacKenzie right now, she's trying to be nice to you guys, heh..." Roz explains.

"I'm not the biggest fan of being nice," mutters Helga. "But you seem kind of tolerable, so I'll give you a try."

MacKenzie blushes, again. "Thanks, it means a lot."

The boat makes an extremely loud noise. The contestants turn to look at it, and hear some spicy Latin music playing, as a pale boy with gelled-up hair, sunglasses, a shirt with Alejandro (the past TD contestant) on it, and green sweatpants walks out of the boat.

"Vas happenin'?" he asks, attempting to be cool and taking off his sunglasses.

"OMG, are you trying to copy Zane, you annoying little Alejandro wannabe? Your hair looks just like his, but waaaaay uglier! You unoriginal noob!" screams Julia.

"What?" Nic asks. "Anyway, hello, mis amores. My name is Nic Burromuerto, and I hope you guys all like..." Nic rips his shirt off and jiggles his naked moobs. "This."

"Wait, that's Nic? He wasn't fit, or attractive, last time I saw him..." Chrissy states to herself.

"Mmm, sí, te gusta esto, chicas? Hay más de donde éste procede," says Nic, while making model-like poses. "I've brushed up on my Spanish since I was here last. I hope that you women will like it."

"Oh, man... You again... You're even more of a fail than last time..." Trey says, as he wakes up.

"TREY?!" yells Nic. He begins to smile enormously, and then laughs gleefully. "Seems like you got your comeuppance, right, brother? Who's the villain now? Yours truly."

"Shut up, man... I don't care about being villainous anymore, I just want to be happy and not hated..." mopes Trey.

"I am not falling for your little games, you idiot. I know that this is just a ploy to get others to feel sorry for you," says Nic.

A large yacht sails to the dock, with a rich-looking girl wearing expensive clothing, and long brown/blonde hair, inside. She jumps off the yacht and lands on the dock, then brushes her hair off and groans.

"Ugh, hey, everyone," she says. "My name's Layla A. Knee, multimillionaire and heiress. I won last season, so if you haven't heard of me, you have absolutely no life."

"Where's Charles?" asks Estrella. "I had no idea what went on in the finale... I was too busy reading." Helga gasps, and says, "That's what I did in Tiki!"

"Charles is long gone, sister," Layla groans. "I really miss him, though, since now I have to do all my stuff myself. How much does that suck? Unless, of course, I can find a new butler... Any volunteers?"

"Well, I's totes woul' do it, but I got otha' plans, yo. Don' get m' wrong, gurl, you's pretty 'n all, but I's not th' butla type," Devin explains. "Word."

"Yeah, I'm not a fan of helping greedy young women, sorry," Helga says dryly.

"Excuse me?" snaps Layla. "Hmph. I suppose I'll just... do physical work. Wait, what about you over there? Tan chick."

"Me?" Chelsey says. "Well, you sure are pretty! I love your hair, girl. Do you style it yourself? Mm, mm, mm. That's some high-quality hair, ladies and gentlemen."

"Er, thanks?" Layla says. She then looks at the next boat, and the person inside of it. "...Who's that?"

The ginger flips her hair around, and waves to the rest of the contestants.

"Wait. I would have definitely recognized her. Are you sure that's a former contestant, Rosalind?" Alex asks groggily.

"Yep!" Roz says enthusiastically. "This is Veronica. Remember, the one from Total Drama School?"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaat," Devin asks shrilly.

"Hi, guys!" Veronica says happily. "I'm Veronica. You guys can call me Ronnie or whatever, it doesn't matter. Yes, I'm Amanda's former crony, I don't want to be reminded of it."

"You sure have gotten attractive since School ended... And you grew a neck, just like all of us. I have no idea how that happened, I just woke up one morning and I had a neck. Cool, huh?" Alex says. "Veronica!" says Flora. "I would have preferred Emilee, but you're one of my heroes. I hope that you can tell all of these meanies that being boring is actually cool."

"..." says PJ.

"I'm also one of the boring girls," MacKenzie says. "Although, I was told that I was picked because of my backstory, which is..." MacKenzie starts to sniff. "Anything but boring..." A single tear falls down her cheek.

"Chillax, woman. Being boring is sometimes fun. Like, look at Flora. She is boring, but has a decent fanbase," Arthur states, trying to confort MacKenzie.

"Same with Nile. Like, nobody likes him, but he's really cute and blonde and plays the guitar and is totally underrated," says Julia, explaining her love once again.

"You know who else is cute and blonde and totally underrated?" Roz says.

"Jerome?" asks Kavren.

"Noooo," responds Roz. "Our last contestant! Be sure to give a hearty welcome to the beloved, I think, skater known as Trick!"

"Oh, no. Trick? That dude was mean, yo," whispers Ori.

"Well, at least his poopy girlfriend, Cammy, isn't here," says Kavren. "We can vote him out first or something."

A blonde boy walks out of the last ferry to come. He has gelled blonde hair, a striped shirt, a chill expression, and blue jeans. He somewhat resembles Puck as well.

"Hey," he says coolly. "What's up?"

"Hello, Trick," says Nic valiantly. "Th' name's Nic. I enjoyed your manly charms on Total Drama Revolution, dude. Care to teach me how to work my magic on the ladies?"

"Well, hey, little dude," smiles Trick. "I don't know about that, but you seem pretty cool, bro."

"Fine, I can teach myself, I don't need some dumb blonde dude telling me what to do," huffs Nic in a rage.

"Heyyyyy, Tricky," purrs Chelsey. "Long time no see."

"Hey, looks like some of my old teammates are here, sweet. And that dude," Trick points to Ori. "But Chelsey, I could have sworn that you hated me, plus I have a beautiful girlfriend."

"Oh, I do hate you. But you're hot now," says Chelsey. After a pause, she says, "Let's... ignore everything that happened in the last twenty seconds."

"Trick, Cammy's been telling me all about you," giggles MacKenzie.

"Yeah, me and her are still going strong," says Trick. "Two years, dudette."

"Congratulations, I'm sure everyone is so impressed that you've been dating some girl who nobody cares about for two years. Way to inform the entire viewing world of this spectacular news," says Helga extremely rudely.

"Sorry, but you just made a terrible first impression on me," says Trick. "I'll stay away from you, I think."

"Whoo-hoo. Go for it. I don't care," scoffs Helga.

"TEAMS!" yells Roz. "Now's the time where you will be getting them. Awesome, right? Anyway, the first team is Devin, Ori, Trick, Tolky, Alex, PJ, Helga, Layla, Estrella, Julia, and Chrissy. What do you guys wanna be called?"

"Th' Swagged Out Citrus Fruits, yo," Devin says.

"..." says PJ. "I would have preferred a team named after me or my catchphrase..."

"That's the worst team name I've ever heard in my entire life. Even worse than Over Nine Thousand, and Killer Apples. Apples can't kill you, unless there's like a venomous snake in them or something. That would be epic, though," Estrella says.

"Swagged Out Citrus Fruits? Doesn't make much sense, but k! All righty, the other team is... basically everyone else, meaning Arthur, Kavren, Wolfgang, Puck, Nic, Trey, Chelsey, Elena, Flora, Veronica, and MacKenzie."

"Whoo-hoo! Teammates again! Can't you just taste the excitement?!" Puck says happily.

"You're going to taste some blood soon..." Wolfgang grunts.

"All right, Team 2, time to decide your name. Anyone got any good suggestions that you could use for--" Roz says.

Arthur immediately shouts out something, interrupting Roz. "The Hopalong Ralphcakes."

"...I was just about to say that," gasps Kavren. "I love ralphcakes."

"Eww," snorts Wolfgang. "What's a ralphcake? And how can they hop, they're inanimate objects, if they're cake. Also, even if they could hop, where do they hop along? A road or something? This makes absolutely no freaking sense, leave it to Arthur to make a terrible team name."

"Yeah, this team name sucks," complains Elena. "It should have been 'Team Elena is Awesome and Going To Win'."

"But she's not," scoffs Chelsey.

"Excuse me, madam, but I have just as good of a chance as you, even better, maybe. Since the last three winners were chicks with five-letter names ending with the letter A, that opens up an opportunity for me," says Elena.

"Or Helga, or Flora. Or Julia or Layla again. And who said that that was a rule? You're just an attention-seeking, desperate, unpopular little slug," Chelsey scoffs.

Roz, ignoring the two's fight, begins to talk. "Well, that wraps up the first episode! Who will prevail? Who will fail? Will the Hopalong Ralphcakes or the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits win tomorrow's challenge? And how will the contestants react to each other? Find out the answers to these questions and more, on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!"